Battered and bruised...

Fight Camp and Starting Sparring Classes

Recently the team was asked to share their feelings about Fight Camp that we attended a few weeks back.  Fight Camp was a one-day training experience where we learned everything from basic punches, to footwork, to actually doing a bit of light sparring (tapping each other on the head).  It was a full day which also included conditioning.  I felt good about it!  I left feeling like I had learned a lot and couldn’t wait to put it to use and start sparring classes!

Fast forward a few weeks.  Sparring classes started the first Tuesday in February.  Oh boy.  It was a real kick in the face.  Literally.  Well, more like a punch in the face, but you know what I mean.  I took a few punches to the face, even got clocked in the nose and let me tell you, it was not fun.  I have had some people say to me they love getting punched in the face.  There is clearly something wrong with these people.  The headgear absorbed most of the impact of the punches but there is nothing protecting the middle of your face and man do your eyes water when you get bopped square in the nose. 

But, I digress.  Besides the physical feeling of getting hit, there is what it does to you mentally.  I felt frustrated.  Stupid.  Upset.  Determined.  Over it.  So many thoughts and feelings all at once.  It’s really quite amazing.  On one hand I wanted to throw in the gloves and walk away and on the other I wanted to practice even harder and get this, darn it!  I felt like all the time we had spent in the gym so far was for not.  I felt panicked.  I was mad at myself.  It was a whirlwind of emotions all at once.  I went home and proceeded to beat myself up all over again in my head. 

Thursday rolled around which mean back to sparring class.  And this day was different for me than the first day – this was the anniversary of my dad’s death.  Always a rough day for me emotionally.  I spent the day on and off in tears – and I know it’s weird because really, it is just like any other day without him, but there is something about this day that always does me in.  I went to class feeling emotional but determined.  Oh boy.  It was rough.  On top of the frustration of being repeatedly punched and feeling like I couldn’t stop most of them, I had the thoughts of my dad and how much I miss him and how I’m doing this FOR HIM running through my head on a continuous loop.  There were a couple of moments I felt my eyes tear up.  I had to step away for a minute and shake it off at one point when I was in between partners.       

But, today is a new day.  And there have been a few sparring classes since then.  And some have been equally as frustrating, where others (ok maybe ONE) have left me feeling … almost hopeful.  And each one reminds me of what I’m fighting for.  And each one leaves me wanting to work harder, learn more, get better.

I believe we are always our own worst critic.  Don’t get me wrong, I do suck at this sport.  And I will for quite some time.  And I’m gonna get hit as that is pretty much the point of it.  But…I am trying to figure out a way to beat myself up a little less each time or at least take something constructive from each lesson that I can work on or towards.  And quite honestly, if me coming out battered and bruised is what happens – I’m ok with that.  That is nothing compared to anyone who has had to face cancer head on.  And that is why I am doing this.  I may get a little beat up – but I want cancer to get KNOCKED OUT for good!

Dawn

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